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identifying stress triggers

Stress Triggers: How To Identify Them

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I was in the neurologist’s waiting room fearing the worst. 

After feeling dizzy for about a month I actually decided to see the doctor. And after a series of tests I was now waiting for the result. 

Anticipation, I’ve come to learn, is generally always worse than the actual event.

Thankfully it wasn’t something serious, but something called vestibular migraines. They are like regular migraines except they make you constantly dizzy with some vertigo thrown in for good measure.  

The doctor explained that just like other migraines, they usually occurred in response to a trigger and that I had to find mine. 

After weeks of going through the list of possible food and drink triggers it turned out that my trigger was (thankfully not chocolate), but in fact just plain old stress. 

Saying that stress was a trigger was like saying that some or all fruits were a trigger. I needed to get more specific, was it apples, bananas, a combination of both? 

It’s the same thing with stress, except that unlike fruits, we cannot just simply cut it out of our lives.  At any given point we are all under some kind of stress. 

So what do you do, live with it? … well, No! 

In overcoming my vestibular migraines I realised 2 things: 

1) There are some stressors that you can remove from your life. We are usually embarrassed, ashamed or feel guilty about removing them. 

2) Your reaction to those stress triggers will dictate how well (or badly) that stress affects you.  In my case how badly my migraines would become. 

This is part of what led me to meditation. I wasn’t trying to become enlightened or a monk, I just wanted to feel better, to feel like a normal person again.  

Eliminating triggers doesn’t mean you have to change your entire life. But it does mean you have to become more observant and aware to be able to identify them.  

For example, during my parent’s course I ask students to focus on identifying their stress triggers in the week ahead. Recently one of them said this exercise made a massive difference in her life.

She realised that after having inadvertently agreed to pick up a friend before a lesson 3x a week she found herself constantly hurrying and pressuring her son to finish his homework. Homework for those 3 days a week was a battle, mum and son were constantly upset and frustrated with each other.

After realising this, the solution became immediately obvious. To tell her friend (even though she felt guilty about it – but that’s a topic for another email)  that she was no longer able to collect her. 

Even though it was only 15 extra minutes, they made a huge difference. She no longer felt she had to hurry and was able to enjoy helping her son with his homework. Their relationship improved and they got homework done faster!  

Eliminating stressors are not always about changing jobs or ending relationships, sometimes they can be small things like having an extra 15 mins with your child that make a huge difference to how you both feel. 

So tell me, do you know your stress triggers? 

How To Handle Kids’ Meltdowns

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Going back to school after the holiday break is hard for kids.  

But you know what’s harder? Going back to school after lockdown. 

Emotions are running high on every side, and the moment kids are back home from school, they are likely to let all their emotions out. 

On you… 

And maybe you’ve heard this is actually a compliment because it means they trust you and feel safe enough to have that emotional outburst knowing you will not stop loving them.  

But I know that at that moment, it doesn’t feel like it. 

So how do you get through them? 

In breathwork, there is a saying: “If you resist, it will persist.” 

I believe something similar applies to meltdowns/tantrums/emotional outbursts. 

If all you are thinking at that moment is: “OMG, please let this be over soon,”… it is likely to take longer. 

Instead, here is my suggestion: 

Allow space for the emotional outburst and become an observer instead of a participant to it. 

When you become an observer, you can emotionally detach yourself from the result. 

As long as they are not hurting themselves, they can be angry, shout, cry or be silent. 

Sit with them through it. Observe it without judgment and be willing to offer a hug if they need it. 

Remember, it has nothing to do with you. They are processing emotions. 

Then talk about it when they are calmer. Label the emotion, ask what they were feeling. 

For example, you seem, angry sweetheart. How does that feel in your body? Does your belly or head hurt? 

This type of communication is key to help them become aware of how they are feeling and why. 

And really, this is why I encourage learning meditation. It gives children core skills to learn emotional regulation. 

How I taught my 6 yo about Manifesting

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How I taught my 6 yo about Manifesting.

How I taught my 6 yo about Manifesting.

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Last summer we went hiking in an area in Switzerland called Grindelwald. It is one of the most beautiful places I’ve seen.

Here is a pic of our hike:

Half way through the hike it started raining, actually a full-on thunderstorm with lighting starting pouring down. 

My son was scared (and if I’m honest I was a little bit scared too), we were in open plains with no cover in the middle of a heavy thunderstorm. 

He started crying and said “I don’t want to walk anymore, I want to be at the hotel”… unfortunately we still had about an hour’s hike to get down not to the town, but only to the next ski lift where we could catch a ride down. 

We sat down next to some bushes to wait the worst out. I kept repeating to my little one that he was safe, that we were all safe, that soon the storm would pass and we would be able to get down. 

Even though we were wet and a bit cold, we all huddled together and kept repeating that it would be ok. 

But S also kept repeating he didn’t want to walk anymore, he just wanted to get to the hotel… “no more walking mummy” he said time and time again. 

As the storm started subsiding, we started walking again and after less than 100mts around a bend, I saw it. 

A BUS! 

Halfway up this mountain, there was a bus about to leave for the centre of town right in front of us. I couldn’t believe it. 

S turned to me and said, “I told you I didn’t want to walk any more mummy, let’s get on the bus”. 

To say I was shocked to see the bus would be an understatement. 

I’ve done some good manifesting in my life. 

But manifesting a BUS halfway up a mountain, that we had no idea would be there AND that was only there a few times a day… that was some next level manifesting. 

 

We can create with our thoughts. 

Instead of saying to my son, “oh that was lucky” or brushing it off I seized the opportunity to congratulate him on making the bus appear out of nowhere… i.e. manifesting it. 

I explained to him that we can create things with our thoughts – good and bad-. 

And that when he dearly wished with all his heart to be safely back at the hotel and not to walk anymore – his wish was manifested through that bus. 

You may say that this is just encouraging him to believe in “magic” or that he may become lazy and sit back waiting for things to appear in front of him. 

There is a big difference in teaching (or enabling) someone to be lazy and encouraging self-confidence and self-belief. 

For example, I’ve taught him to help put his laundry in the washing machine since he was 4 – this way he knows that laundry doesn’t magically appear in his bedroom. 

But I’ve also taught him that visualisation and breathwork can help him perform well in his school plays. 

And when we were on that mountain I didn’t let him or encourage him to sit there in the bushes and wait for a miracle… we still had to walk a bit more. 

It was there, after having picked himself up and walked a bit further – when he didn’t want to walk anymore- that the magic appeared. That single act taught him resilience AND self-belief.   

It’s all about balance. And I want him to believe in equal measure that hard work is as important as the thoughts he thinks every day. 

As someone who struggled with depression and burn out, I KNOW this to be true. Because no matter how hard I worked to get through it, it wasn’t until I put my mind and thoughts into it that things started to change.

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