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3 Daily Mantras for Moms

3 Daily Mantras for Moms | Meditation Fairy

The words we say out loud and to ourselves matter, a lot! Even if we whisper them to ourselves or merely think about it, it could mean the difference between putting ourselves down or raising ourselves up!

Be kind to yourself and use these mantras when you are feeling overwhelmed:

👉🏼I learn and grow with my child

👉🏼 I am doing the best I can for my child

👉🏼 My child’s big feelings are not about me they are learning about themselves

Reasons to be thankful as a Mom

Reasons to be thankful as a Mom

Whether you’re just starting your journey or already experienced, being a mom is both hard and rewarding! It’s an honor being able to raise my precious children..

There are so many reasons to be thankful and here are some I’d love to share:

No matter how many times I feel like I’m failing as a mother or having a bad day, it all goes away when I hear “I love you mommy ” or I see their sweet smiles. 💖

Reasons to be thankful as a Mom | Meditation Fairy

I learned how to handle different life situations by being calm and mindful. That time when my baby hurt his hand while he’s playing, I thought I’d panic but I’m calm as f*ck, comforted and hugged him, told him it’s okay. Who knew I had it in me?! 😅

I learned how important mindful parenting is. When you have your partner with you all throughout the journey, and that you appreciate him/her more.

There’s still a lot of wonderful things I’d love to share but I also want to hear from you! 

What Mom Stress May Look Like

What Mom Stress May Look Like

Being a mom is not easy! Sometimes we don’t realize that our bodies are under chronic stress. 

So look out for these symptoms: 

👉🏻 An “always feeling tired” feeling – or “mom fatigue”- if you are always tired – it is not normal – (always chat with your doctor first! But if nothing shows up) this is likely the result of stress messing up your sleep. This can lead to mom burnout and should not be taken lightly!

👉🏻 Zero patience with your kids – when you are under stress everything is a threat! Which means screaming kids also trigger your fight or flight response, usually meaning you lose your patience with ever minor annoyances. 

👉🏻 Feeling angry constantly – also known “mom rage”. If your stress reaction is to fight … now you know why you may feel angry all the time. 

👉🏻 Wishing the day away – you wake up and can’t wait for the day to end again – sound familiar? If your stress reaction is flight – this is probably why you wish you were anywhere else but where you are. 

👉🏻 Can’t think clearly – when we are under chronic stress, the connection with the decision making part of our brains is not as smooth, which is why sometimes (of a lot of the time you get “brain fog”). 

👉🏻 Digestion issues – when you are under stress and feel “threatened” it is not the time to digest! Bloating and constipation are most common while others can develop diarrhoea. 

Want to know about some easy techniques to relieve stress? Send me a DM @meditationfairy on Instagram and let’s chat! 👏🏻

The Part We Never Expect When We Teach Kids About Meditation and Mindfulness

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My eldest said this to me this week 😱. In the past this would’ve made me angrier (i.e. triggered me even more). This is the part we never expect when we teach kids about meditation and mindfulness… that THEY will be the ones calling us out when we are taking our emotions and frustrations out on them.

And if we are not ready for it, we end up even more upset and angry, over what is a very legitimate question.

In the past this type of comment or answer would make me immediately list our the reasons (i.e. excuses) about why I was saying it in an angry voice. Something like: he wasn’t listening or it was the 10th time I had asked him to do something.

But instead of answering I paused. I took a breath and thought “why am I saying this in an angry voice? Why am I upset?”

I find this kind of questioning helpful in calming down. It gives the logical part of my brain an opportunity to activate which means my amygdala can calm down (no need for fight, flight or freeze reactions) which means I feel less like I’m being attacked and more like what is happening and why am I having this reaction.

Even though it sounds like I would be silent there for several minutes, this all took place in the space of about 30 seconds.

I then said “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out as an angry voice” and then continued the conversation with him.

Its inevitable that we will get angry, frustrated or upset with our kids. That as much as we try to do mindful, gentle, conscious parenting, we will raise our voice or speak in an “angry” tone. We are human and dealing with emotions is part of the territory.

But if we want to teach our kids to emotionally regulate themselves and learn how to process their own emotions, we need to do the work ourselves.

And remember, the moment we catch ourselves losing it or using our angry voices … OR if our kids call us out on it, it doesn’t mean we have to continue in the same way.

We can stop, take a breather, say sorry and start again.

It doesn’t make you look ‘weak’ as a parent, and it will show your child what emotional regulation looks like, so that they can in turn do it themselves.
 

You Don’t Have To Wait Until Your child Has Depression or Anxiety To Introduce Them to Meditation

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Unfortunately most of the parents that reach out to me are parents of kids who are already suffering from anxiety, depression or stress.

And It’s normal, their child is in pain and suffering, they want to help, I would do the same in their situation. who wouldn’t ?

What I would LOVE to see is parents coming to me even if their kids don’t have anxiety, depression or stress.

But let’s be realistic, when things are going well, we rarely think of prevention. We are busy with the day to day and keep our fingers crossed that everything will be plain sailing.

Until it isn’t.

I started a consistent meditation practice AFTER I started suffering from depression and burn out.

I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had had the tools to help me through when I needed it.

That’s the main reason why I decided to start teaching meditation to my then 4 yo. Because I realised just how important it was. Especially for highly sensitive children.

I know as Parents we want to give our kids the tools they will need as they grow up.

To deal with emotional ups and downs, the craziness of hormones, an ever changing world, unkind comments from strangers, and body image just to name a few.

The thing to remember is that Meditation is not a band-aid 🩹 or a pill to pop when you are feeling unwell.

It’s like a tool that you learn how to use and practice so that when that emotional blow arrives your child will know how to keep themselves from being blown away by the emotion.

Naming and becoming aware of emotions is just one of the many benefits that meditation can bring to kids, even if those kids are not anxious or stressed.

4 Ways To Reconnect With Your Kids When They Are Upset

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Here are 4 ways to reconnect with your kids when they are upset:

1️⃣ Ask if its ok to give them a hug (and then hold them until they let go!) – We always assume that people in pain want to be hugged. Sometimes our kids may just be plain angry (that doesn’t mean they are not hurting as well) and they don’t want to be touched. Ask first, 9 times out of 10 they will want a hug. The 10th time, say that the hug is still on offer if they want it later.

2️⃣ Sit with them in silence, let them feel your presence and support. – As parents we need to get comfortable with the uncomfortableness of silence and yucky emotions. Sometimes all it takes is being there sat next to them, hearing them crying it out. It makes them feel heard and seen and that goes a long way in making them feel safe. Once they feel safe, they will become calmer as well.

3️⃣ Ask if you can read them a book. – provided they are not crying their eyes at that moment, cuddling up and reading a book is a great way for them to be with you without having to talk to you. A soothing voice and familiar book can help them connect with feelings of calmness and it may encourage them to talk about how their feeling and whether you can help.

4️⃣ Let them know you are there if they want to talk and if they don’t go back to No 2 above! – sometimes kids (and even adults) don’t want to talk. Everyone processes hurt and anger differently, our most important job as parents is to hold the space for them to feel their feelings. But its also important for them to know that if they want to talk about it, you are there to listen. Remember no judgment and no finger pointing allowed! Let them talk and vent and listen – you will be surprised how much they share once they start.

I know that the hardest thing we have to do as parents is sometimes just being present when they are hurting. Sometimes they might be angry with you or with someone else but to anyone that knows seeing their little faces in tears is hard because as parents all we want to do is to make it ok. ❤️

5 Easy Steps To Start a Consistent Meditation Practice

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Starting to meditate doesn’t have to be difficult, but it’s easier if you have a plan. Here are 5 steps to start and stick to a meditation practice:

1️⃣ Schedule a specific time during the day to do it: I prefer early mornings, before the kids are awake and the day starts. I feel it sets me up for the day. But if you are waking up during the night or you are not a morning person, then before bed is my other go-to option. The kids are in bed and I can relax and prepare my body for a restful night.

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2️⃣Pick a space: anywhere you can sit down comfortably is good. Because 👏you👏don’t 👏need 👏a 👏meditation👏mat 👏. You can meditate on a chair, your sofa, your bed. Whatever is more comfortable where you can keep your back straight.

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3️⃣Choose a short guided meditation: Guided meditations are best for beginners and even non-beginners (I still love them!). You can relax and let yourself go into your meditation without “worrying” about the time. You can only dedicate 10 mins to your practice? That’s great a 10 minute guided meditation will keep you to that time. If you want to start with deep breaths and some music – go for it.

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4️⃣Use an Eyemask: Why do I recommend an eyemask and not a meditation mat? I think at the beginning an eyemask will help you relax and zone out more than a mat. An eyemask is the one thing I travel with everywhere, it can turn a bright room into a meditation zone in seconds .

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5️⃣Take 3 deep breaths (longer exhales) in gratitude before starting: think of this as your permission to relax and enjoy your meditation. Remember this time isn’t a chore or something you “have” to do. It’s a relaxing time you are gifting yourself. As you are breathing, smile thinking about how great it is to be able to take this time for you, how grateful you are for those moments. When you do this, you will be sending signals to your body to relax AND filling it with gratitude, which is THE best place to start your meditations.

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Are you struggling to start? Send me a DM on my Instagram account or Facebook Page, would love to help! ❤️

3 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became A Mom

🌟 3 things I wish I knew before I became a Mom 🌟

I don’t know why we don’t talk about this more, and to be honest I could break these into so many subsections from pregnancy to postpartum to the first few years of life. 

 

Before I became a mom I knew things would change, I didn’t know just HOW MUCH they would change. And when I asked my friends, they were like ‘oh yeah that happened to me too’ – 😱 Why did they not tell me?  So here I go: 

 

🌟  It may take you a while to fall in love with your baby: 

5 months on and I can now say I am truly and well in love with my baby – her smile, her chunky cheeks, I find her adorable – BUT it wasn’t immediate (it was the same with my firstborn) and even though some people are in love with their babies before they are even born – it’s ok and normal if that doesn’t happen to you. 

 

After she was born, I was recovering from a c-section, hormonal, tired, sleep deprived, hurting from breastfeeding and concerned about milk production – there was a lot of survival mode during that time – not to mention that she was our rainbow baby so there were a lot of emotions coming up. 

 

It took time together, getting to know each other and importantly feeling safe and calm to give myself completely. And that’s generally what happens in relationships right? So if you are not completely bawled over with your baby the minute you see them – it’s ok, it will come. 

 

🌟 Postpartum depression doesn’t always hit right after the baby is born 

 

After the initial craziness of the change of hormones I thought I was in the clear with my firstborn. It wasn’t until after 8 months when I went back to work that things started unravelling for me. 

 

It was at this time that it hit me that things would never be the same again and partly I was grieving my pre-baby life. 

 

You don’t have to be the “strong one” or pretend that everything is okay – if you are not feeling well – ask for help. I kept repressing and pretending everything was ok – until eventually it all bubbled up. Had I sought help sooner, I believe I wouldn’t have ended up with migraines. 

 

Having said that, it’s never too late to ask for help – your kids will thank you.

 

🌟 You won’t be able to do everything and that is ok. 

 

This was a big one for me! I wanted to show I COULD do everything – the superhero mom myth – who works crazy hours for her career, yet manages to do everything at home, while going out with her girlfriends and going on hot dates with her husband. 

 

It turns out I couldn’t do everything – or at least I couldn’t do everything I had done before. So I had to re-prioritise and adjust expectations. 

 

This led me to a path of self-discovery and changes in my life. Sometimes I don’t meet up with girlfriends for a while, sometimes it’s a while before we do a date night – what matters is that I’ve created something that works for me. So find what works for you – and if you choose something and it doesn’t work – the beauty is you can keep changing it until you find YOUR balance. ❤️   

Why Having Friends Is Essential For Mother’s Well-Being

Last week I met up with a group of girlfriends for the first time before my daughter was born. 

For the last four months, I stayed at home because I was either too big (near the end of the pregnancy) or still adjusting to being a new mum again. 

As we sat there, laughing and chatting about nothing in particular, I had a sense of contentment and peace. 

All the challenges of the last few months, that feeling of ‘how am I ever going to get through this’ or ‘when will things go back to normal’ slowly melted away as I sipped my tea and ate some scones.

You know the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? 

I think the saying should also say it takes a village to keep mums mentally and physically sane.

My friends weren’t doing anything special, it’s not like we were having a semi-therapy session instead of breakfast. 

But just being there with them, laughing, enjoying each other’s presence, talking about what was going on with their lives and how mine had been over the last few months made me feel seen, appreciated and loved.     

When you become a parent for the first time, life changes beyond recognition, and often we feel we have lost a part of ourselves in the process. 

Good friendships help remind us that we are still us. 

Perhaps a bit more tired and less able to hold our alcohol or sleep past 10… but we are still ourselves. 

Whether in person or over zoom, spending time with friends is just as crucial for our mental health as spending time in nature or practising meditation. 

So if it’s been a while, call your friends, spend time with them and enjoy their presence. 

And remember that you are seen, appreciated and loved… even if you might forget sometimes. 

The Challenge All Mothers Know: Breastfeeding

About two months ago, we welcomed a healthy baby girl into this world (she is the main reason I’ve been quiet here for a while). 

It had been a very much wanted, anticipated and planned pregnancy. Being a second-time mum, I prepared myself mentally and let go of any expectations surrounding the birth. 

I just wanted her here safely. 

However, one thing I was determined to do differently was breastfeeding. Given my experience with my eldest (a story for another day), this time around, I enlisted help. 

But WOW, I did not expect breastfeeding to be what it was. 

Those first two weeks were brutal. Not because she was feeding around the clock, but because it was so excruciatingly painful. 

I had to do focused breathing exercises EVERY single time to overcome the first couple of minutes.

In addition, we had to supplement initially, make a plan to increase milk supply and then just as things were getting better… boom – mastitis 😱. 

Throughout this time, I kept hearing similar tales from my friends, all ending with but “we got there in the end.” 

At the time, I thought maybe breastfeeding is NOT wonderful after all, how could anyone do this for six months, let alone two years.

But I also thought maybe it’s a lie, perhaps I won’t get there in the end, and all this effort has been for nothing. 

And even though I wanted to quit, I reminded myself of the reasons for my decision, I kept at it, adapting and trusting that things would get better. 

Then one day, “we got there.” 

She latched on quickly, there was no pain, and she was gaining weight healthily. It certainly wasn’t the end, but we got there. 

The same thing happens in many aspects of our lives. So many of us quit before “we get there”. Perhaps because it’s:

  • boring
  • hard 
  • taking too long
  • overwhelming 
  • tiring 

I tried meditation several times many years before and quit before I got “there” – to that sense of peace and relaxation that I had read about. 

Until one time, I decided to keep at it, learn, adapt, and trust that it would all be okay. And I stuck with it long enough to “get there in the end”. 

Perhaps you are in the middle of the grind now, wondering whether it will work out… remember that it will. If you adapt, keep at it and trust, you WILL get there in the end. 

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