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Meditation Fairy

3 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became A Mom

🌟 3 things I wish I knew before I became a Mom 🌟

I don’t know why we don’t talk about this more, and to be honest I could break these into so many subsections from pregnancy to postpartum to the first few years of life. 

 

Before I became a mom I knew things would change, I didn’t know just HOW MUCH they would change. And when I asked my friends, they were like ‘oh yeah that happened to me too’ – 😱 Why did they not tell me?  So here I go: 

 

🌟  It may take you a while to fall in love with your baby: 

5 months on and I can now say I am truly and well in love with my baby – her smile, her chunky cheeks, I find her adorable – BUT it wasn’t immediate (it was the same with my firstborn) and even though some people are in love with their babies before they are even born – it’s ok and normal if that doesn’t happen to you. 

 

After she was born, I was recovering from a c-section, hormonal, tired, sleep deprived, hurting from breastfeeding and concerned about milk production – there was a lot of survival mode during that time – not to mention that she was our rainbow baby so there were a lot of emotions coming up. 

 

It took time together, getting to know each other and importantly feeling safe and calm to give myself completely. And that’s generally what happens in relationships right? So if you are not completely bawled over with your baby the minute you see them – it’s ok, it will come. 

 

🌟 Postpartum depression doesn’t always hit right after the baby is born 

 

After the initial craziness of the change of hormones I thought I was in the clear with my firstborn. It wasn’t until after 8 months when I went back to work that things started unravelling for me. 

 

It was at this time that it hit me that things would never be the same again and partly I was grieving my pre-baby life. 

 

You don’t have to be the “strong one” or pretend that everything is okay – if you are not feeling well – ask for help. I kept repressing and pretending everything was ok – until eventually it all bubbled up. Had I sought help sooner, I believe I wouldn’t have ended up with migraines. 

 

Having said that, it’s never too late to ask for help – your kids will thank you.

 

🌟 You won’t be able to do everything and that is ok. 

 

This was a big one for me! I wanted to show I COULD do everything – the superhero mom myth – who works crazy hours for her career, yet manages to do everything at home, while going out with her girlfriends and going on hot dates with her husband. 

 

It turns out I couldn’t do everything – or at least I couldn’t do everything I had done before. So I had to re-prioritise and adjust expectations. 

 

This led me to a path of self-discovery and changes in my life. Sometimes I don’t meet up with girlfriends for a while, sometimes it’s a while before we do a date night – what matters is that I’ve created something that works for me. So find what works for you – and if you choose something and it doesn’t work – the beauty is you can keep changing it until you find YOUR balance. ❤️   

Stress Triggers: How To Identify Them

identifying stress triggers

I was in the neurologist’s waiting room fearing the worst. 

After feeling dizzy for about a month I actually decided to see the doctor. And after a series of tests I was now waiting for the result. 

Anticipation, I’ve come to learn, is generally always worse than the actual event.

Thankfully it wasn’t something serious, but something called vestibular migraines. They are like regular migraines except they make you constantly dizzy with some vertigo thrown in for good measure.  

The doctor explained that just like other migraines, they usually occurred in response to a trigger and that I had to find mine. 

After weeks of going through the list of possible food and drink triggers it turned out that my trigger was (thankfully not chocolate), but in fact just plain old stress. 

Saying that stress was a trigger was like saying that some or all fruits were a trigger. I needed to get more specific, was it apples, bananas, a combination of both? 

It’s the same thing with stress, except that unlike fruits, we cannot just simply cut it out of our lives.  At any given point we are all under some kind of stress. 

So what do you do, live with it? … well, No! 

In overcoming my vestibular migraines I realised 2 things: 

1) There are some stressors that you can remove from your life. We are usually embarrassed, ashamed or feel guilty about removing them. 

2) Your reaction to those stress triggers will dictate how well (or badly) that stress affects you.  In my case how badly my migraines would become. 

This is part of what led me to meditation. I wasn’t trying to become enlightened or a monk, I just wanted to feel better, to feel like a normal person again.  

Eliminating triggers doesn’t mean you have to change your entire life. But it does mean you have to become more observant and aware to be able to identify them.  

For example, during my parent’s course I ask students to focus on identifying their stress triggers in the week ahead. Recently one of them said this exercise made a massive difference in her life.

She realised that after having inadvertently agreed to pick up a friend before a lesson 3x a week she found herself constantly hurrying and pressuring her son to finish his homework. Homework for those 3 days a week was a battle, mum and son were constantly upset and frustrated with each other.

After realising this, the solution became immediately obvious. To tell her friend (even though she felt guilty about it – but that’s a topic for another email)  that she was no longer able to collect her. 

Even though it was only 15 extra minutes, they made a huge difference. She no longer felt she had to hurry and was able to enjoy helping her son with his homework. Their relationship improved and they got homework done faster!  

Eliminating stressors are not always about changing jobs or ending relationships, sometimes they can be small things like having an extra 15 mins with your child that make a huge difference to how you both feel. 

So tell me, do you know your stress triggers

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